marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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