He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
