Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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