Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
