She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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