a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
