Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
