Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
