I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
