when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize