I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
