My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
