Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
