i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
