i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
