Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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