there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize