I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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