Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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