First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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