i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
