she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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