I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
