gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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