My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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