sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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