My room smells like vodka and shame
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
