I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
