About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
