It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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