I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this boner is exhausting
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
