Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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