Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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