WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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