I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
