I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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