Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
