i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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