I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
