I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
