I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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