You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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