Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
being pregnant is like rehab
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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