He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
