OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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