Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
