Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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