ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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