Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
