I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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