we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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