she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
