is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
