dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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