I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
