I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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