where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
