Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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