We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
