okay pat passed out under dana's car
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
try to milk me bitch
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
