very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
