But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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