after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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