I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
