At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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