The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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