Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
