Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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