you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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