so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
