My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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