shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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