You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize