woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
