Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
