I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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