i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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