Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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