i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
