There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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