Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
