You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
