if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
