that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
