I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
