Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
