Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
