Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
