Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
