i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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