NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
